Lady Gaga confesses in the March issue of "Harper’s Bazaar" to suffering from depression and feeling close to death in 2013.
Oh, and there’s way more.
“I became very depressed at the end of 2013,” says the pop star, who underwent surgery and a dramatic break from some of her creative partners. “I was exhausted fighting people off.”
“I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time — to one more person who lied to me,” says Gaga.
She continues, “But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, ’I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.’”
“I really felt like I was dying — my light completely out. I said to myself, ‘Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family,”’ recalls Gaga.
The singer notes, “Depression doesn’t take away your talents — it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.”
Gaga credits her mom with helping her through the “rough time,” remembering, “I asked my mother, ’I work so hard. I never stop. I never say no. Why doesn’t this person love me, Mom? Why was this person willing to hurt me to help themselves? Why wasn’t I enough? Why is money more important than me?’”